he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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