Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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