We won't sleep together?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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