I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize