hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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