He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
