please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
