ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
