Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
