If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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