Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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