cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love having hate sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
