I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
