I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There r osticjed everywhere
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize