I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
