we made out on top of his cat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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