I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
