One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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