dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drake has all the answers
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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