Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
