I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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