2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
