I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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