Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
