But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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