so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Duck Duck Cougar?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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