what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
