I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
