I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
