Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
