I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think i have two assholes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
