Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
