i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What happened to fro yo and sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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