Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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