My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
