Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
