Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
