wrigley field is MILF paradise
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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