So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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