dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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