He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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