Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
