I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
