I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
