Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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