Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
