I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i'm inner monologue high
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
