the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
