i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
