Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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