WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
