you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
