I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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