i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
