wakey wakey hands off snakey
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
