my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
