I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
