her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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