I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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