$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Randomize
