when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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