Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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