Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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