OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
