he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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