I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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