Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize