he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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