You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
