I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
