you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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