If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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