Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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