Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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