I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
