Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
