...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
