I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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