If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize