Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
