Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
