There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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