He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
