I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize