Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
