fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
