I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
