so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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