Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
