Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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