You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
