and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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