First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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