I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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