my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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