Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
