Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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