I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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