There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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