but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize